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JOKES (the Ascent "Torah Humor" archive
link is active only NEXT JOKE DUE: December 2, 2008 | |
Ancient Jewish ExpertiseA long time ago there was a powerful Oriental emperor who needed a new chief swordsman. He sent out a message throughout his kingdom and even beyond that he was searching for one, and announcing a competition for the position in one year's time. The year passes and only three people show up: a Japanese swordsman, a Chinese swordsman and a Jewish swordsman. The emperor asks the Japanese swordsman to come in and demonstrate why he considers himself qualified to be the chief swordsman of the kingdom. The Japanese warrior opens a match box and out pops a little fly. Whoosh goes his sword and the fly drops dead on the ground in two pieces. The emperor says, "That is very impressive!" The emperor then asks the Chinese swordsman to come in and demonstrate. The Chinese swordsman opens a match box and out pops a fly. Whoosh whoosh. The fly drops dead on the ground in four pieces. "That is really impressive," says the emperor. The emperor then asks the Jewish swordsman to demonstrate why he should be the head swordsman. The Jewish swordsman thinks: if it worked for the other two, why not for me too? He too releases a fly from a matchbox and whoooosh--a gust of wind fills the room. But then the emperor notices that the fly is still alive and buzzing around. He asks in disappointment, "Why is the fly not dead?" The Jewish swordsman replies, "It may not be dead, but if you look closely, you will see that the fly has been circumcised!" |
| (Maybe you already heard this one, but it is quite possible that whoever you heard it from got it originally from our Ascent Quarterly! ) |
| L: You know, Esrog, I find it difficult to remember the different themes of the numerous Jewish holidays. E: I can help you, Lulav. L: Really? Something short while I stand on one foot? E: How about an eleven-word summary (seven in Hebrew) that applies to just about all of them? L: You must be kidding me! E: Nope. Here it is. “They
tried to kill us, |  |
| (and in Hebrew:) "Ratzu l'hargeinu, Hashem hatzileinu, netzachnu; bo ne'echol" | |